winding up and down...

it's strange, yesterday i thought it was the day after christmas... for some reason i skipped a day in there in my mind. it seems as though that's how the last year has gone. i remember it, but it's just flying by and all of a sudden, here we are at the end of the year and wow. wow. last night at scum, i was listening to Mike Sares talk about 2009 and how for some it's been a great year and others not so much. i am fortunate to say that the past year has been a GREAT and hard, and exciting and GREAT year for me. just before 2009 started, my best friend asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. i said yes. from then on, it was wedding planning, stressing out, trying not to stress out, marriage counseling, wedding planning, experimenting with different BC pills and having anxiety attacks, lots of fun and parties and new friends and new family, the wedding, (Kauai!!) honeymoon phase, learning to live, sleep, and eat with another person everyday, more honeymoon phase, traveling, family reunions, music music music, recording 3 records, joining a new band, putting out the christmas project, creating a NEW band, touring, a decision to go back to med school, holidays, and here we are... the end of 2009. now that i write all that down, i really shouldn't be surprised by how much stress i seem to have and can't get rid of all in one afternoon. it's going to take time to adjust to all that has happened, all i have chosen, all we have changed in 2009.

it's funny, i seem to just expect that i can adjust to all that change overnight. i wouldn't expect that of someone else. sometimes i wonder why i'm so hard on myself. it seems as though all the change (on top of not really eating that well overall) plus the being hard on myself is this never ending snowball of subconscious stress and i need find a way to break the cycle. i have to.